34 Things I Learned From My University Experience

1. The absolute limit of how many days I can function without sleep and still type proper sentences.
2. The artful skill of bibliography construction in 20 minutes or less.
3. The beauty of creative writing caused by procrastination.
4. The significance of the command+S twitch in my left hand that ensures I don't lose my mind if my laptop fucks up.
5. The power of hangovers on cognition.
6. How to utilize a multiple choice exam to eliminate possible answers to questions I didn't bother learning the answer to.
7. How to bullshit an opinion my prof wants to see.
8. Awesome locations of deserted study spaces on campus.
9. How to avoid people on campus that you drunkenly embarrassed yourself in front of the night before.
10. How to stop going to keggers just because they are in walking distance.
11. The significance of a "day off".
12. Conversation topics to pursue with cab drivers (family, country of birth, Canada being awesome).
13. How to identify denial in myself about being capable to successfully study in bed.
14. The influence of kitchen cleanliness on mood and willingness to eat.
15. Addictive properties of Rockstar.
16. Magical ability of writing an essay on receipt paper at work, typing it up on my phone on the way home, submitting it one minute before the deadline and earning a solid B.
17. Understanding that just because someone is a leading professional in their field, doesn't mean they can teach.
18. The relationship between good professors and time spent in lectures.
19. The nightmares of absent TAs.
20. The powerful post-grad advice of TAs.
21. How to create complicated to-do lists and not do anything on them.
22. The significance of supportive friends.
23. The effects of binge drinking on the level of discomfort during the post-party morning commute home.
24. How you should always bring sunglasses just in case you don't want to make accidental eye contact with sober people on the subway the next morning because you're still kind of drunk.
25. The effects of professor's tone and volume of voice on desire to sleep.
26. How sleep deprivation creates mixed feelings of prosperity and impending doom all at the same time.
27. How to prioritize which chapters to study when you ran out of time to read them all.
28. How to effectively nap in a bed made from two shitty library chairs.
29. How to bullshit short answer questions by writing absolutely everything I know in hopes of actually mentioning the correct information.
30. How to identify my body's symptoms of dehydration, sleep deprivation, immune system shut down, brain farts and how to not do anything about them.
31. Circadian rhythm and it's advantages when studying all through the night and into the morning.
32. Which junk food packaging makes the least amount of noise when opened in silent study areas.
33. How fucking loud an empty stomach can actually growl. And how awkward it is to apologize to the woman sitting next to me because it broke her concentration during our exam.
34. Critical thinking skills.